How do you make new friends?
Whether you are single or not, do join in this topic.

I have been lucky enough to be invited back to BBC Radio Coventry and Warwickshire next Saturday 31st August 2010 at 8am.
It is to join in with Trish Adudu's morning show which has an audience age of 50+.
Trish has a feature called 'Trends' and next week it is on, wait for it...

how do I make new friends 55+?

Please help me out with ideas and comments.

You will be able to listen to the show live over the internet!

Click Here to Listen Live (Try it now to see if it works in your country!)

Here is a link to hear me on the radio on Sunday - I was REALLY nervous, but the producer, Nav Mann, a lovely and efficient young lady, was really helpful and pleasant plus the legendary and fun presenter Liz Kershaw put me at ease quite quickly!
Click Here to listen again...
If you slide the bar across to 0:22:00 or something like that you'll hear the start of the chat section!

This is an age old problem.......so very far back....
First question is ....age....
Over 50? Divorced or bereaved?
Straight away you become single, and are seen as a danger to other male or females, who see you as a preditor.
Thinking of joining a club?......You become the next focal point...the next gossip subject.
Try smiling at other folk in the supermarket.....Your quickly a suspect for anything.
Being neighbourly? See first sentence.
Acting the "fish out of water" works only for a short time.
Night school classes dont suit everyone.....but its a start.
Visiting places on coach trips.......the lonely hearts club on wheels..
And all because this society we have created has become sterile...un caring....TV orientated.
So conclusions?.....when your alone...let each day take care of itself.
Remember....any pig will grunt if you rattle the bucket.
Sorry to sound so cynical....but you know I am right....
Oh....might be a good idea to buy a dog.....always a good ice breaker!
On the other hand....get a computer and join a social networking site. Friendship at arms length, and no commitments !!!. Try BUZZ 50.....Works for lots of folk, and me.!

Agree with all the points made in the previous reply having experienced singledom when divorced in my thirties. True, many people do view you as a predator, but I think nearly thirty years on this isnt as much the case now.
Well in those days I resorted to the ads in the lonely hearts column of the local paper, there was no internet then. Oh it was nerve racking and you had to be very careful, as you do nowadays, but I did have some pleasant evenings out. I'll gloss over the not so good ones. I did in fact meet my second husband this way, as you know they say it pays to advertise. Unfortunately, like so many other concerns, money has taken over, and premium rate phone calls are required in order to reply to any of these ads now. What ever happened to good old letter writing?
Anyway, this time around I have only the internet to try and widen my circle of friends as I am unable due to mobility problems, to go on trips, join clubs etc.
Long live the chat room I say . Any other ideas ?

yes think chat rooms are very handy to visit and also on buzz you can have a say on what you think I think as you get older the young ones chats over you at times I think they dont see you being able to make a good comment being an older mother they willingly eat what you provide for them when they visit so coming here makes me feel good in my self must be a god send those who are on there own.long may they continue

Can't beat walking the dog everyone speaks to you,you get to know other dog walkers and folks just wanting to talk.I have met some very interesting people just out for a stroll.One woman near enough gave me her full working life history,and it was interesting because she had worked at one of the very well decorated shops at Christmas...you know the ones that REALLY stand out.I told her that when i was young and saw the shop all lit up ,to me it was Christmas...she went on to tell me all about the owners and what the assistants got for their Christmas Bonus...then what she had gone on to to after that....all that in about half an hour.I would love to meet her again. .....Do a bit voluntary work...the more people you meet the more chance that someone special will turn up.

My opinion is you must enjoy every day and make the best of it.
In Germany we have single meetings for over 50+ and German internet senior forums offer a so-called "Stammtisch" (meeting) in many towns once every month. These "regional groups" as they are called organize excursions and other interesting things.
Moreover, we have in our town a "Stadtseniorenrat" (group of seniors) who also offer excursions for young seniors (50 +) and meetings for older ones.
Every week I go to a senior gym group with my mother (85 years old). She enjoys it and the members of the group are really very nice.
During the holidays there's a senior program called "summer of fun" offering lots of different activities - excursions, meetings, hiking etc. etc. and a summer holiday for seniors in a house near the forest.
Another possibility are coach trips - one day trips or trips of more days - usually there are 3 or 4 singles - mostly ladies - and such a trip can be quite entertaining.
So, it's just up to to you to choose the right activity for yourself.

interesting topic this one because i am in that position after losing my husband last year...all the so called friends we had before my husband died were numerous after his funeral they vanished it was if they never existed...no visits not even a phone call i feel as tho i dont exist anymore and feel very much alone....i dont want to go back into volunteering as i dont feel ready to be able to cope with it...i have looked into joining a club of sorts but there is nothing in my area for my age group...yes i see people i know in my village where i pass the time of day but friends i do not have any and i really dont know how or where i start its not easy after 44yrs of married life starting again alone....

I left work back in March, I had what I thought were a lot of mates, friends, but as the days tun into months, the phone call gets less, the texts get less, my phone has 600 minutes and unlimited texts, I used 78 minutes last month and sent 158 texts (mainly jokes)

Visits from them have got non existant (unless they have problems with their laptops or plumbing) these were blokes I worked with for 26 years, I had done jobs for them at work, their homes, I covered for them when they were up to something iffy, I covered their on call during school times and christmas, I thought I would be in touch with them for years to come
They are all in my MSN messenger, but very few go online or sign in
But I dont dwell on it any more, it did quite annoy me, but I am over it now
Same thing happened when I left the Forces, I left blokes I had sweated along side, been shot at, helped when they were shot, wounded, I shared their food, bed, tent, hole in the ground, water bottle, I knew their wives, kids, it changed when I left
I joined the legion, I was part of the SF Association, I left, I couldnt stand all the war stories and bull about their lives (but the beer was cheap)
Now its just me and the wife, I scarcely know my neighbours, they are Somali's, and wear the full Bhurka, they arent really into conversation, their husbands treat em like crap, not the type of people to pass the time of day

I dont let it get me down, I have a front door,

I do odd plumbing jobs, but I dont go looking for them

I dont know what life will be like when winter comes (its great at the moment, I can wander round the garden, shops or just take a walk, anywhere)

With the wife still working, sometimes I do feel lonely and look forward to her coming home, I dont know what will happen or what the future will bring me, at times I feel like I am in Gods waiting room, but at the moment I have my health and all my faculties work

Joining a goup, doing voluntary work just dont really do anything for me and I doubt I would do it or join them (but they are good for others)

U surprised me with all your answers..what kind of friends leave u when u are going throu a divorce,death of a mate..or other things happening?? I would stick by them no matter what they were going throu!!..Never thought it was a problem to find friends when u pass 55yrs either...walking the dog like Jinty has to make u meet people who have other dogs,that is an idea..but isn't there a place to play chess or cards,doing some bicycle when able to..being in a group of elders that help children to learn different things to do..play games...going to the cinema...is it so hard to just talk with people at the supermarket?..I am still working but i meet people all the time all over..Can the women get together to make home made blankets for someone...help a young mother with her children so she can rest..My mind is full of ideas of what I would do but I am so far from u and don't know what is acceptable in your country and if the people are friendly enough to approach easily..No problem here..I do the loop a loop in stores to get them laughing..so what makes it hard to make friends at any age?I hope I have been able to help in some way..if not..move here..

As you have so painfully discovered....a friend is someone who walks in, when others walk out.
Good luck in your life, Dolly

That is life pepsie, Ive been there and worn the T shirt.RAF 10 years
It's all in your mind as to how to adjust. I am 67 and just learning how
to adjust to being retired. It is hard to give up the disciplines of
the working environment.
do as your mind tells you can still find employment at your age,
is your pension so good that your wife has to work to support you
you say you have your healthy so you still have 10 years of work
potential salary £20,000py=£200,000 what is your wife's take home pay.
I am not being nasty,in any way but commentng on your potential...
wish I was your age again.
if you feel fit and healthy why are you in gods waiting room??
I think you are a wind up merchant

Frankie wrote:


Nope my wife doesnt have to support me, I have my own money, she is working, because

1 she is too young to retire
2 she likes her job
3 she has done the same as me, worked all her life
4 the longer she works the better pension she gets
5 she may get the offer I got

I feel like I'm in gods waiting room, as there isnt I a lot to do, I have acheived pretty much everything I have wanted to do
I have passed on my knowledge to others, I have done some great jobs, that will live on after me
I have fought for my country and come through unscathed, I was given medals for doing it
I have been to places people have never heard of, I have done things that people will never know about
I have stood on my own, I have made decisions that affect a lot of people, I have made some mistakes and bad decisions, but I stand by them as the good out weigh the bad, either way, they are in the past, now
I have had some great holidays, I am hoping to have a lot more, but that is wishing my life away
I have got a pension through working, I have quite a bit of savings, I am comfortable

I would assume you have read my profile, I dont think there is anything in there to indicate I am a 'windup' merchant, but I can be

And to qoute an old saying......................if wishes were horses

Dollie what you write - most widows experience it - seems everywhere to be the same - and it's true, it's difficult to build up a new life and to find new friends.
However, one of my friends told me that in her village the widows meet on Sundays and go for a walk together. Not such a bad idea, in my opinion.
Since I'm a single again, I really appreciate the internet - if I think the ceiling is falling on my head, I usually can find someone to talk to in one or the other chatroom.
In the other side my mother takes the bus to town for window shopping in such a situation. Afterward she always tells me who she has talked to and what she has seen.

Since I've been widowed my life seems to revolve around my dogs. I meet lots of new and interesting people while walking along the cliffs with them.
I'm a firm believer that it's up to us to make the effort. It's hardly surprising once you smile at someone that invariably you get a smile in return, and that will often lead to conversation. I'm not a clubby person and on the whole am quite happy with my own company but for anyone who has more of a gregarious nature, joining a club seems the obvious thing to do.

Our area is mainly retired people.
what I suggested was a monthly get together for a meal at our local carvery. We get good value for money. We keep up to date with our gossip and the most important thing..We all know we are their for one and other.
On Christmas Morning we meet in one of our homes for a pre Christmas toast.. This works for us.

As others have said already, this is not as easy as it at first sounds.
As you get older you tend to get more insular - you like your own space and the control that you have over your daily life. Yes, it becomes a routine and Yes, sometimes you feel that you are wishing your life away or in God's Waiting Room but this is all normal.
Finding new friends immediately puts you on edge because you know that you will have to make concessions for others in your routine and that's hard.
Not everyone wants to be a volunteer; I certainly don't intend to get involved in Charity shops but there are things perhaps that I may be interested in - I just don't know at the moment.
I don't have many friends. I've moved around so much in my life that I've lost track of many people I once knew as friends. Likewise family; I have no contact with my maternal or paternal family, only my family through marriage. I've always been a bit of a loner and I'm still a bit shy with people but I'd like to know more people but my present financial restraints do not allow for much in the way of socialising and to crown it all, I'm partially deaf.
That is probably one of the worst barriers for me because I cannot cope in noisy places and most places where people congregate will always be noisy to a certain extent! I can't even cope with that awful piped music in shops; it drowns everything out for me.
I think that the only answer really to the question is that you just have to take the bull by the horns and try. One of my favourite sayings is If you don't ask, you don't get and that's truer than many realise. Many, many people are just like you, a bit afraid to make that first contact; a bit wary of conmen /women, worried what others might think of you, afraid you might put your foot in it and a host of other things.

I find it very, very hard because, inevitably, whoever I talk to and however nice they are, sooner or later their eyes go heavenwards when I have to ask them to repeat something they've said or I've misunderstood something. It's incredibly difficult NOT to see that because, being deaf, you watch peoples faces far more! stevmk2

If I had sat down for a week in a quiet room, I couldnt have composed a better summing up of where I am to-day.
Thanks Steve......nothing wrong with your attitude....no sir !!

just smile and say hallo--be honest--truthful--and relaxed--dont ever be something yu are not--just be yu--the bees will come to the honest flower--not to the dishonest weed

I find the best way to make friends is to join a club any club that interests you is a good start.
You have to be willing to stick your neck out and ask someone who you think you might click with to have coffee and a chat .
Then go from there. Don't be too quick to get it going or you could scare them away.
Another way I find to make friends is to not be worried about who you talk to.
Just talk to anyone anywhere like shopping, lining up to pay a bill or something. Wherever there are people you have a chance to make a friend. You just have to open up and you will let someone in.
Granted sometimes you get knock backs but over all it works.
Very important once you make a friendship you must look after it by remembering birthdays, being a good listener, all the things you would like to happen to you.
and you wont be sorry
Thank you for reading this cheers yssac

So many great suggestions given ! Yes, I do believe as we get older, it is harder to find a friend....but I believe it is only because others our age are already established in their careers, friendships, family..etc...

Join a club, go to the library, church functions....anything and anywhere there are people....chances are they are there for the same reason too !

The best way to find someone that can become a friend is go out there, even a walk in the park might lead you to finding a friend.

And most important, a huge smile goes a long way !